Getting out and about is a huge step in any crossdresser or transgender person’s life. It marks the time that you are prepared to face the world and be who you are. It also means that whilst you may not be prepared to out yourself, you are comfortable with at least some level of exposure and risk.
This is not a step to be taken lightly and you should only do it when you are ready. But the rewards are huge. There are few experiences more liberating, satisfying and euphoric than being out, socialising with people and being accepted by everyone for who you are. It breaks many shackles. You feel comfortable with yourself and the shame and guilt that is so often associated with dressing in private seems to disappear.
There are many concerns associated with being dressed in the big world and I would caution against people throwing on some makeup and charging out the front door. This can lead to some very negative experiences. On the other hand with some help, planning and advice things almost always go well.
Many transwomen and crossdressers worry about ‘passing’. Passing is both necessary and an illusion. That makes no sense, right? Let me explain. It is an illusion because just about nobody passes all the time. We get all get ‘read’ eventually. It may be the first glance, or when we order our drink, or when we do something unconsciously masculine (bend down like a man to pick something up, scratch a groin or whatever). Those of us who pass or perhaps more accurately blend do so by choosing clothing carefully, doing hair and makeup ‘just so’ and carefully observing their mannerisms. Crucially they also overlay all this paranoia with a thick veneer of confidence. They may be running a thousand checklists in their heads all the time, but they look to the outside world like a woman doing her thing.
Confidence is a massive thing. People (adults that is) see what they expect to see until something tells them otherwise. So, if you walk down the street, comfortable, confident and assured people will just see a woman. They probably won’t look at you for more than a few fractions of a second and they will not even consciously register seeing you. If you stick out obviously you may be noticed but few people will.
You need to feel that you are passing in order ton have the confidence to pass. Without this confidence you will be too scared to venture out and strangely once you have the confidence you don’t care whether you pass or not.
Gaining confidence does not happen overnight and it is a fragile thing. Months of good work can be easily undone. It is thus a good idea to start small. Find places where being clocked will be no big deal. Look out for trans friendly establishments and frequent those. Finding a group of like minded folk is always a big help and there is always safety in numbers.
Also if you choose your venues correctly passing becomes an irrelevance. Go to the right places and no one cares. They are just happy to see you be yourself. It is true such places do exist!
We can assist you by advising you regarding places where you can freely and safely go. We can also assist you regarding issues such as how to behave (we lack the years and years of socialisation that genetic women have, far better or worse), what to wear and what not to do. We can also accompany you on outings making sure you have a friendly face on hand to help you.
In Gauteng Trouble is a fantastic place to visit. It is regularly frequented by trans people, gay people, lesbian people and straight people. It is relaxed and fun with a pool table, dance floors, fantastic cocktails and a very accepting vibe. You will be safe at all times and no one will harass you. Amuse Cafe is also a good trans friendly venue. It usually has a live show of some sort (local bands, drag shows etc) and their is a cover charge, but the food is good and relatively cheap.
We try and get out regularly. We go to restaurants, coffee shops, malls, theaters and revue bars. It is a lot of fun but it is best taken slowly and carefully. Make sure you can swim before jumping into the deep-end and there is absolutely nothing wrong with dipping your toes in the water first!
I would heartily recommend getting out and seeing how much fun you can have. Let us help you with our accompanied outings service. You will not look back!